Why doesn't success lead to happiness?

Dear Clint,

I’m successful by most metrics, but I often feel unfulfilled despite my accomplishments. I’ve worked hard to build a company, achieved financial security, and earned the respect of my peers, but something still feels off.

I’m constantly striving for the next big deal or achievement, thinking that it will finally bring me satisfaction, but it never seems to last. I worry that I’m missing out on something deeper in life. Why do I feel this way?

Sincerely,
Successful But Unsatisfied

Dear Successful But Unsatisfied,

You've asked this question at an interesting time in my life. With each passing day, I find myself becoming less concerned with the goals and motivations I had five years ago. It’s not that I don’t care about those things — well, that’s not entirely true. I know I’m supposed to say that, but maybe I really don’t care about those things anymore. Would there be something wrong with that?

In Awareness, Anthony De Mello suggests that attachment to things, people, or even ideas binds individuals and prevents them from experiencing life as it truly is. When people are attached to something, they often falsely believe that their happiness depends on it. This leads to fear, anxiety, and suffering because they are constantly worried about losing what they are attached to or not obtaining what they desire.

The goal is to achieve non-attachment, says De Mello. This doesn’t mean renouncing or giving up possessions or relationships, but rather understanding their true nature and realizing that they do not define or control your happiness. When you see through the illusion that happiness is tied to external things, the attachment naturally falls away, and you experience a profound sense of freedom.

Fighting against attachments or trying to force yourself to let go is not effective. Instead, De Mello advocates for a deep understanding of the object of attachment and its actual value. Once this understanding is achieved, the attachment loses its grip, and you can interact with the world more freely, without being enslaved by desires or fears.

In essence, De Mello teaches that non-attachment is about living with an awareness of the impermanent and transient nature of all things. By cultivating this awareness, you can experience life fully and joyfully without being dependent on anything outside yourself for your sense of well-being.

I'm not sure if that answers your question. It's just what came to mind. Reading Awareness repeatedly recently may be influencing the situation. The book has changed my life.

I'm not sure if anyone can answer your question except for yourself. But, like many others I love and have had deep conversations with over the past year, I feel your question down to the depths of my soul.

What if our quest for “success” is a mirage meant to distract us from the present?

“The present moment is never unbearable,” writes De Mello. “What is unbearable is what you think is going to happen in five minutes or ten minutes in the future.”

I can’t give you an answer, but I can leave you with a John Hartford song.

Yours,
Clint Betts

Email: dearclint@ceo.com
Phone: (385) 217-0670